OZARKA COLLEGE

Taken from the site of the Connecticut Coalition Against Domestic Violence at http://www.ctcadv.org/Website/dating_violence.htm.

Dating Violence

Dating Abuse is defined as: "Any hurtful or unwanted physical, sexual, verbal or emotional act  inflicted by a casual or intimate dating partner."

The facts

• Over one third of teenagers in dating relationships have experienced some physical violence.
• 1 out of 4 high school students is, or has been in the past, involved in an abusive relationship.
• Jealousy is the leading cause of dating violence.
• Only 1 out of 25 victims of dating violence ever seeks the help of a teacher, police officer, or counselor.
• Only about 4 out of 10 relationships end after the onset of violence or abuse.
• Among female victims, the most common response to the violence was fear, followed closely by being emotionally hurt.  Male victims were more likely to respond that they thought it was funny or that the violence made them angry.
• 42% of boys and 43% of girls said that the abuse occurred in a school building or on school grounds.

Is your relationship abusive?

• Have you stopped spending time with friends or family because of boyfriend or girlfriend jealousy?
• Are you forced to explain and justify every place you go, everything you do, and every person you see, to avoid making your boyfriend or girlfriend angry?
• Does your boyfriend or girlfriend ridicule, criticize, belittle or insult you?
• Are you afraid to disagree with your boyfriend or girlfriend?
• Has he/she ever hit, slapped, shoved, kicked, or thrown things at you?

If you have answered yes to any of these questions you may be involved in an abusive relationship. Often people don't realize they are being abused, especially if there is no physical violence.  Remember: THE ABUSE IS NOT YOUR FAULT, NO ONE DESERVES TO BE ABUSED.

Ending a Violent Relationship

• If you have been injured, threatened or stalked, or if your property has been damaged, report it to the police. Whether or not you decide to file charges a police report will document your partners violence. In any case it is crucial for you to be able to protect yourself even if the police are involved. They cannot protect you 24 hours a day. A partner who has been violent, threatening or destructive can be a real danger to you when you try to end the relationship, particularly if he has a weapon or has threatened you with a weapon.
• Under certain circumstances, you may also be able to obtain a protective order or restraining order. Call your local domestic violence program for assistance.
• Tell your parents about the situation (if you can) or an adult you trust.
• Build a support network.
• Do not meet your partner alone, get in a car with him, or go anywhere alone. Do not let him into the house when you are alone. Do not let your guard down even if he appears remorseful, promises, or pleads. The danger to you doesn't end with breaking up, apologies, or promises.
• Alert the school counselor, security officers and principal that you may be in danger. You may also want to tell teachers, your boss or a neighbor.
• If you feel you must speak to your partner other than on the phone, meet him in a public place, like a busy restaurant and have friends nearby. Be clear that the relationship is over. Don't try to just be his "friend." Your partner will think this means he still has a chance to get you back. However, the less contact or talking with him, the better. You might consider getting an unlisted phone number, a number with a safety line, or even moving.
• Call your local domestic violence / sexual assault program. They can listen, offer suggestions/support, and are 100% confidential. In Connecticut, call 1-888-774-2900.

Reprinted from "Teen Dating Violence," Arizona Coalition Against Domestic Violence.