If My Children Resent Me for Leaving....
Below is an excerpt from the mini-magazine for parents from the Family Violence Prevention Fund found at http://www.connect-endabuse.org/index.php?page=parent2parent/
Confused Mom
By Wendy Lichtman
Dear P2P,
My 10-year-old son and 12-year-old daughter witnessed my husband verbally and physically abuse me for several years. I left him a year ago as my kids were getting older and I grew more afraid about how the violence was affecting them and how it could affect their future relationships. But now, my kids see me as the \“bad guy" for leaving. What should I do?
- Confused Mom
Dear CM,
You are very brave. Leaving an abusive relationship is extremely difficult. Hang in there. The most important thing is that you and your children are now safe.
Resentment from children for leaving is not uncommon. You’ll want to find opportunities to spend time with them and rebuild their trust. Let them know that you’re sorry they don't see their dad as often as they used to. Explain, however, that your ex-husband’s abuse was hurtful. Look for teachable moments in their favorite television shows, current events, song lyrics, and conversations at school -- even gossip stories about celebrities they admire. And finally, stress that violence never equals strength and that there is no place for it in any relationship.
Have faith, young kids grow quickly. They’ll soon understand why you had to leave and recognize your courage in doing so.
Wendy Lichtman, the mother of two young adults, writes for several national magazines and newspapers