OZARKA COLLEGE

This posting was taken in full from:  http://www.michigan.gov/datingviolence/0,1607,7-233--172641--,00.html

Surviving sexual assault, stalking and dating violence can be extremely traumatic. Often, survivors feel very alone and isolated from help, understanding and support. It is important to understand what kinds of things you can do and say to help a friend or family member who is dealing with this type of pain and suffering. Here's how you can help.

TELL HER...

• It's not your fault.
• I'm sorry this happened to you.
• You don't deserve to be abused or assaulted.
• You have rights and options.
• There is support available for you.

LISTEN: Give your friend your undivided attention as she is talking with you.

BELIEVE: Believe what she tells you. It has taken a great deal of strength and courage for her to tell you.

DO NOT JUDGE: Be careful not to make judgments about the situation she is in or the decisions she has made or appeared to make.

UNDERSTAND WHAT SHE IS SAYING: Devote your efforts to understanding the thoughts, feelings and experiences she has chosen to share with you - not to finding out things you want to know.

BE SUPPORTIVE: Support her feelings as well as her choice to share them with you and acknowledge that it may have been difficult to do so.

REPEAT THAT VIOLENCE, ABUSE OR ASSAULT ARE NOT HER FAULT: It is common for survivors to feel they have done something wrong. Continue to remind her that the violence, abuse or assault was the other person's choice and that's where the blame belongs.

SUPPORT HER RIGHT TO MAKE HER OWN DECISIONS: Sometimes we think we know what is best. Remember, she has the right to make her own decisions. Telling her what to do will not be helpful.

PROVIDE RESOURCE INFORMATION: Offer the telephone number of the local domestic violence or sexual assault program. You can also provide the number for the National Domestic Violence Hotline (800)799-SAFE or the Rape, Abuse, Incest, National Network (800)656-HOPE. Offer to talk to an adult with her.

EDUCATE YOURSELF: Work to understand the dynamics of dating violence, sexual assault and stalking and the available options.

PROTECT HER PRIVACY: She has chosen to tell you. It is not your place to tell others, with the exception of informing a teacher or another adult who will offer help and support. Make sure to do this if your friend is in danger.

Both females and males can be survivors of sexual assault, dating violence and stalking. Studies consistently reveal, however, that survivors of these crimes are more often female and that perpetrators are more often male, which is why on this page we have identified the victim as female and the perpetrator as male. To deny this reality only delays finding a solution. This reference does not change the fact that every survivor - male or female - deserves support, options, resources and safety. You can help and you can make a difference.

Imagine a place where every battered woman found the support she needed from her coworkers, friends and neighbors to leave a violent relationship. A place where no one excuses abusive behavior and everyone is committed to being part of the solution. We can make this place a reality in our communities.

At the Family Violence Prevention Fund, we believe that in order to stop domestic violence, it is necessary to change the social norms that allow domestic violence to exist in this country. There's No Excuse for Domestic Violence, is a campaign that encourages people to question their tacit acceptance of domestic violence - and to begin to take action to stop it.

Domestic violence is everyone's business. Maybe you know someone who has faced domestic violence. Maybe you have experienced it yourself. Or maybe you think that domestic violence is simply wrong, and you want to do something about it.

The good news is domestic violence is a problem we can solve. There are things that each and every one of us can do to help.


Public Service Announcements

A centerpiece of the There's No Excuse for Domestic Violence campaign is a series of powerful public service announcements (PSAs) created in collaboration with The Advertising Council for television, radio and print media. The PSAs encourage Americans to actively address the pervasive problem of domestic violence.

A pajama-clad child sits alone and frightened on the stairs. His angry father is screaming at and threatening his mother. The child plays with a toy truck as his father's shouting grows more menacing. Suddenly, the child stops playing and cringes as his father hits his mother. The words appear: "Children have to sit by and watch. What's your excuse?"

Click on RealVideo to view the television spots.

The above article was taken from :  http://www.endabuse.org/programs/display.php3?DocID=9903

The most dangerous time in a domestic violence relationship for a woman is when she is leaving or ending the relationship.  Though safety can never be assured, a safety plan may help to reduce the danger.  The Safety Plan below comes from the Arkansas Coalition Against Domestic Violence at http://www.domesticpeace.com/plan.html.  The Arkansas Coalition Against Domestic Violence show that 26 women died in Arkansas from domestic violence in 2005 and 17 in 2006.  So far in 2007, the number of women killed has surpassed the 2006 figure.

Safety Plan

Safety during an explosive incident:

Decide and plan where you will go if you have to leave home (even if you don't think you will need to).
Practice how to get out of your home safely. Identify which doors, windows, elevator or stairwell would be best.

Have a packed bag ready and keep it at a relative's or friend's home in order to leave quickly. Use the checklist below to decide what is important for you to take.

Identify one or more neighbors you can talk to about the violence and ask them to call the police if they hear a disturbance coming from your home.

Devise a code word to use with your children, family, friends and neighbors when you need the police.

If you believe an argument/incident is going to occur, try to move to a room or area where you have access to an exit. Stay away from any weapons, the bathroom, kitchen, bedroom or other rooms without an outside door or window.

Use your own instincts and judgment. If the situation is very dangerous, do whatever is necessary to be safe. This may mean giving the abuser what he wants to calm him down.

If necessary, call for help. Dial "0" or "911".

Always remember - You Do Not Deserve To Be Hit, Threatened, or Live in Fear!

Safety when preparing to leave:

Open a savings account and/or credit card in your own name to establish or increase your independence. Think of other ways in which you can increase your independence.

Leave money, an extra set of keys, copies of important documents, extra medicines and clothes with someone you trust so you can leave quickly.

Determine who would be able to let you stay with them or lend you some money.

Keep the shelter or hotline number close at hand and keep some change or a calling card on you at all times for emergency phone calls.

Review your safety plan as often as possible in order to plan the safest way to leave your batterer. Remember - Leaving Your Batterer Is A Very Dangerous Time!

Safety at home:

Change the locks on your doors as soon as possible. Buy additional locks and safety devices to secure your windows.

Discuss a safety plan with your children for when you are not with them.

Tell your children's school, day care, etc., who has your permission to pick up the children.

Notify your neighbors and landlord that your partner no longer lives with you and that they should call the police if they see him near your residence.

Safety with a protection order
Keep your protection order on you at all times. Give a copy to a trusted neighbor, family member or clergy person. Keep a copy in the glove compartment of your car.

Call the police if your batterer violates the protection order.

Think of other ways to keep safe until law enforcement arrives.

Inform family, friends, neighbors, and a physician that you have a protection order.

Safety in public or at work:

Tell your co-worker(s), boss and/or office or building security about your situation. Provide a picture of your batterer if possible.

Arrange to have an answering machine, caller ID or co-worker screen your telephone calls if possible.

Devise a safety plan for when you leave work. Have someone escort you to your car or bus, and wait with you until you are safely on your way. Use a variety of routes to go home if possible. Think about what you would do if something happened while going home.

Go to different grocery stores, businesses, and banks if possible. If this is not possible, change the time and day which you go shopping.

Checklist - Important things to take with you when you leave:

Identification
Driver's License
Children's Birth Certificates
Your Birth Certificate
Social Security Cards
Work Permits/VISA
Passport

Financial
Money and/or credit cards
Bank books
Checkbooks
Public Assistance documentation
Tax return from previous year
Pay stubs for you
Loan information

Other Important Papers
Your Protection Order
Lease, rental agreement or house deed
Car registration and insurance papers
Health and life insurance papers
Medical records for you and children
Vaccination records
Divorce papers
Custody papers

Other
House and car keys
Medications
Address Book
Phone cards
Pictures of you, your children and your abuser
Change of clothes for you and your children
Children's toys
Jewelry

Important phone numbers
(Numbers will vary depending on your location)
The closest domestic violence/sexual assault program: __________
Police: 911 or __________
Sheriff: __________
Victim -Witness Unit: __________
Prosecuting Attorney: __________
Clerk or District Court: __________
Probation Department: __________
Private Attorney: __________
Other: __________
Other: __________

This entry was taken from the website of the Arkansas Coalition Against Domestic Violence (http://www.domesticpeace.com/why.html)

Why Do The Abused Stay?

Many people often ask, "Why do women stay?" It is important to understand that each victim of abuse will have their own list of reasons as to why they remain in a violent relationship. Here is a list of common reasons a victim might stay.

Fear of the batterer's violence:
A victim's chances of being killed or seriously injured increase by 75% when leaving a violent relationship.

Immobilization by psychological and /or physical trauma:
Victims are often too injured or too frightened to tell or escape.

Connection to the perpetrator through children:
Some stay in the relationship because of their beliefs and for the sake of their children's need for a father, or because of the abuser's previous threats to flee with the children, to have the children taken away, or to harm them.

Belief in cultural, family, or religious values:
Support systems are not always supportive of a victim leaving the relationship or seeking help. Family or religious systems can actually pressure a victim into staying in the violent relationship.

Continual hope and belief that the violence will end or he will change:
Victims believe promises made by the batterer and want the violence to end, but not necessarily the relationship. Victims believe that they have the power to change the relationship for the better.

Belief batterer will commit suicide or engage in self-destructive behavior:
Many batterers threaten suicide or use any means necessary to place guilt and worry on the victim.

Lack of funds:
It costs approximately $1500 to set up household in the first month without housing assistance. Public housing lists are long, sometimes over six months, and many do not qualify.

Lack of real alternatives for employment and financial assistance:
Domestic violence is the number one cause of loss of employment to women in the United States.

Taken from:  http://www.usdoj.gov/ovw/aboutstalking.htm

STALKING

Stalking can be defined as a pattern of repeated and unwanted attention, harassment, contact, or any other course of conduct directed at a specific person that would cause a reasonable person to feel fear.

It is a course of conduct that can include:

• Repeated, unwanted, intrusive, and frightening communications from the perpetrator by phone, mail, and/or email
• Repeatedly leaving or sending victim unwanted items, presents, or flowers
• Following or laying in wait for the victim at places such as home, school, work, or recreation place
• Making direct or indirect threats to harm the victim, the victim's children, relatives, friends, or pets.
• Damaging or threatening to damage the victim's property
• Harassing victim through the internet
• Posting information or spreading rumors about the victim on the internet, in a public place, or by word of mouth
• Obtaining personal information about the victim by accessing public records, using internet search services, hiring private investigators, going through the victim's garbage, following the victim, contacting victim's friends, family work, or neighbors, etc.

Source: Stalking Resource Center, National Center for Victims of Crime

Article components are quoted from the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence at www.ncadv.org.

Dating violence occurs when one partner attempts to maintain power and control over the other through one or more forms of abuse, including sexual, physical, verbal, and emotional abuse.  Dating violence affects both females and males, and does not discriminate by racial, social, or economic background.  Given the prevalence of domestic violence within dating relationships, communities must work together to prevent these violent relationships and ensure that victims of dating violence have adequate access to legal protection. 

DID YOU KNOW?

1.  Women ages 16 to 24 experience the highest per capita rates of intimate violence - 20 per 1,000 women.   (US Dept of Justice, Bureau of Justice Statistics.  2001.  Special Report Intimate Partner Violence and Age of Victim, 1993-1999.  Washington, DC.)

2.  53% of domestic violence victims are abused by a current or former boyfriend or girlfriend.   (Liz Claiborne Inc.  Study on Teen Dating Violence, www.loveisnotabuse.com.)

3.  13% of teenage girls who are in a relationship report being physically hurt or hit.  (Dating Violence Facts.  2007.  Retrieved June 16, 2007 from http://www.ricadv.org/dating_facts.html.)

4.  71% of rape and sexual assault victims knew their offenders.  (Dating Violence Facts.  2007.  Retrieved June 16, 2007 from http://www.ricadv.org/dating_facts.html.)

5.  Studies indicate that as a dating relationship becomes more serious, the potential for and nature of violent behavior also escalates.    (Teen Dating Violence Resource Manual, Denver Coalition Against Domestic Violence, 1997. pg 17.)

6.  21% of college students report they have experienced dating violence by a current partner.  32% report dating violence by a previous partner.   (C. Sellers and M. Bromley, Violent Behavior in College Student Dating Relationships, Journal of Contemporary Criminal Justice, 1996.)

7.  Over 13% of college women report they have been stalked.  Of these, 42% were stalked by a boyfriend or ex-boyfriend. ((B. Fisher and F. Cullen, Extent and Nature of Sexual victimization of College Women, Washington National Institute of Justice.  Retrieved from Campus Dating Violence Fact Sheet, www.ncvc.org.))

EFFECT OF DATING VIOLENCE ON HEALTH

1.  Those who experience dating violence are more likely to participate in binge drinking, fighting, and/or smoking and are at an increased risk of suffering from mental illness. (Seave, P., and Lockyer, B. 2004.  Teen Dating Violence.  Office of the Attorney General and the Crime and Violence Prevention Center, WestEd.)

2.  A Harvard School of Public Health study indicated that female teenagers who are victims of dating violence are significantly more likely to become victims of sexual assault. (Harvard School of Public Health.  2001.  Dating Violence Against Adolescent Girls Linked with Teen Pregnancy, Suicide, and other Health Risk Behaviors.)

3.  It was found that females involved in violent relationships typically suffered from post-traumatic stress and dissociation, while males suffered from anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress.  (Harvard School of Public Health.  2001.  Dating Violence Against Adolescent Girls Linked with Teen Pregnancy, Suicide, and other Health Risk Behaviors.)

4.  Research strongly suggests that social support helps mitigate the negative mental health consequences of dating violence. (Dating Violence Facts.  2007.  Retrieved June 16, 2007 from http://www.ricadv.org/dating_facts.html.)

FOR MORE INFORMATION

1.  National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline at 1-866-331-9474 or visit www.loveisrespect.org.

2.  National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800799-SAFE or the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE.

3.  Dating Violence Resource Center at www.ncvc.org.

4.  Ozarka Ash Flat Campus Contact, Terry Bennett, 870-994-7273 EXT 4027, tbennett@ozarka.edu; Ozarka Melbourne Campus Contact, Joan Stirling, 870-368-2007, jstirling@ozarka.edu;  or Mountain View Campus Contact, Gin Brown, 870-269-5601, gbrown@ozarka.edu.

www.usdoj.gov/ovw

There are many resources on this website!

Ozarka College has prepared a memorial, An Empty Place at the Table,  which will be displayed for a week on each campus to raise awareness of domestic violence.  Please visit this memorial that will be in Melbourne at the side entrance to the Main Building the week of October 8-12, in Ash Flat October 15-19, and in Mountain View October 22-26.  The project was first shown in Pennsylvania and Ozarka College has obtained the rights to modify and reproduce it.  Three of the place settings are recreations of the Pennsylvania table and a fourth setting represents the 17 women who lost their lives to domestic violence in Arkansas in 2006.

The below Cycle of Violence is taken from the site of the Arkansas Coalition Against Domestic Violence:  http://www.domesticpeace.com/cycle.html.  Studying this cycle helps one to understand the dynamics of domestic and dating violence.