The Dating Bill of Rights
Be familiar with the Dating Bill of Rights to help keep violence out of dating. It comes from the Alabama Coalition Against Domestic V iolence website at http://www.acadv.org/dating.html.
Bystander Intervention
The below information on bystander intervention was taken from the University of Wisconsin- Stout website at https://www.uwstout.edu/cvpp/bystander_intervention.html.
How many times have you been at a party or with a small group of friends and witnessed something that made you feel uneasy? Maybe it was someone pushing another person to leave with them, or someone drugging another person's drink. Or, maybe you saw a friend slap his or her date. What would you do?
You might be thinking, "That's none of my business." Or, you may think saying something would mean "sticking your nose in someone else's business."
If you stay silent you may be part of the problem.
Sexual assault rarely happens in a room full of people, and survivors often stay silent in an abusive relationship. But warning signs or red flags that a situation is about to become violent or abusive are often noticed by others. Stepping in to find out what's going on could prevent that someone from further danger and let him or her know you're available to help.
To be clear: This isn't about making decisions for people or it doesn't mean that you have to get in a fight. It could be as simple as interrupting the situation. Asking "where's the bathroom" could provide an opportunity for someone who is feeling cornered to slip away, or just checking in with the person you're concerned about. It could mean telling a friend that you don't like the way he or she is acting, or it could mean calling the police.
The point is, if you see or know of a violent or abusive situation do something! BREAK the SILENCE!
It could change the course of someone's life forever.
Information from the National Stalking Resource Center
Below is information for keeping an incident log in the event of someone being stalked. This comes from the National Stalking Resource Center at http://www.ncvc.org/SRC/main.aspx?dbID=DB_IncidentandBehaviorLog(goodone)759. To download a 70-page guide for victims of stalking from the Center, click on this url: http://www2.uta.edu/ssw/spence/documents/stalkinghandbook.pdf.
Stalking Incident and Behavior Log
It is critical that victims of stalking maintain a log of stalking-related incidents and behavior. Recording this information will help to document the behavior for restraining order applications, divorce and child custody cases, or criminal prosecution. It can also help preserve your memory of individual incidents about which you might later testify.
The stalking log should be used to record and document all stalking-related behavior, including harassing phone calls, letters, e-mail messages, acts of vandalism, and threats communicated through third parties. When reporting the incidents to law enforcement, always write down the officer's name and badge number for your own records. Even if the officers do not make an arrest, you can ask them to make a written report and request a copy for your records..
Important note: Since this information could potentially be introduced as evidence or inadvertently shared with the stalker at a future time, do not include any information that you do not want the offender to see.
Attach a photograph of the stalker, photocopies of restraining orders, police reports, and other relevant documents. Keep the log in a safe place and tell only someone you trust where you keep your log.
Documenting stalking behavior can be a difficult and emotionally exhausting task. A local advocate in your community can provide support, information about the options available to you, and assistance with safety planning.
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Date |
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Description of Incident |
Location of Incident |
Witness Names
(Attach Address and Phone #)
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Police Called
(Report #)
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Officer Name
(Badge #)
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If My Children Resent Me for Leaving....
Below is an excerpt from the mini-magazine for parents from the Family Violence Prevention Fund found at http://www.connect-endabuse.org/index.php?page=parent2parent/
Confused Mom
By Wendy Lichtman
Dear P2P,
My 10-year-old son and 12-year-old daughter witnessed my husband verbally and physically abuse me for several years. I left him a year ago as my kids were getting older and I grew more afraid about how the violence was affecting them and how it could affect their future relationships. But now, my kids see me as the \“bad guy" for leaving. What should I do?
- Confused Mom
Dear CM,
You are very brave. Leaving an abusive relationship is extremely difficult. Hang in there. The most important thing is that you and your children are now safe.
Resentment from children for leaving is not uncommon. You’ll want to find opportunities to spend time with them and rebuild their trust. Let them know that you’re sorry they don't see their dad as often as they used to. Explain, however, that your ex-husband’s abuse was hurtful. Look for teachable moments in their favorite television shows, current events, song lyrics, and conversations at school -- even gossip stories about celebrities they admire. And finally, stress that violence never equals strength and that there is no place for it in any relationship.
Have faith, young kids grow quickly. They’ll soon understand why you had to leave and recognize your courage in doing so.
Wendy Lichtman, the mother of two young adults, writes for several national magazines and newspapers
Publications from the Arkansas Coalition against Sexual Assault
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The below page is taken from the Arkansas Coalition against Sexual Assault webpage at http://www.acasa.ws/publications.html.
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Surviving a Money Crisis
Many times when a woman leaves an abusive relationship, she will find herself in a financial crisis. The National Coalition against Domestic Violence (http://www.ncadv.org/programs/FinancialEducation_120.html#whatis) lists sites that are useful during a money crisis and one of the sites is Financial Resources for Women and Children (http://www.frwc.org/surviving.htm). This page has 11 links to the 11 steps for Surviving a Money Crisis.
Consequences of Sexual Violence
The page below taken from the Center for Disease Control website speaks to the consequences of sexual violence. This page and more information on sexual violence can be found on the CDC website: http://www.cdc.gov/ncipc/dvp/SV/svp-consequences.htm.
Sexual Violence Prevention
Scientific Information: Consequences
Scientific Information: Consequences
Consequences
Sexual violence can have harmful and lasting consequences for victims, families, and communities. The following list describes some of them.
Physical
- Women who experience both sexual and physical abuse are significantly more likely to have sexually transmitted diseases (Wingood et al. 2000).
- More than 32,000 pregnancies result from rape every year (Holmes et al., 1996)
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Some long-term consequences include (Jewkes, Sen, Garcia-Moreno, 2002):
- Chronic pelvic pain
- Premenstrual syndrome
- Gastrointestinal disorders
- Gynecological and pregnancy complications
- Migraines and other frequent headaches
- Back pain
- Facial pain
- Disability that prevents work
Psychological
Victims of sexual violence face both immediate and chronic psychological consequences (Ackard, Neumark-Sztainer, 2002; Faravelli et al., 2004; Felitti et al., 1998; Krakow et al., 2002; Ystgaard et al., 2004).
Immediate psychological consequences include:
- Shock
- Denial
- Fear
- Confusion
- Anxiety
- Withdrawal
- Guilt
- Nervousness
- Distrust of others
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Symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder
- Emotional detachment
- Sleep disturbances
- Flashbacks
- Mental replay of assault
Chronic psychological consequences include:
- Depression
- Attempted or completed suicide
- Alienation
- Post-traumatic stress disorder symptoms
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Unhealthy diet-related behaviors
- Fasting
- Vomiting
- Abusing diet pills
- Overeating
Social
Sexual violence also has social impacts on its victims, such as (Clements at al., 2004; Golding, Wilsnack, Cooper, 2002):
- Strained relationships with the victim's family, friends, and intimate partners
- Less emotional support from friends and family
- Less frequent contact with friends and relatives
- Lower likelihood of marriage
Health Behaviors
Some researchers view the following health behaviors as both consequences of sexual violence and factors that increase a person's vulnerability to being victimized again in the future (Brener et al., 1999; Lang et al., 2003).
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Engaging in high-risk sexual behavior including:
- Unprotected sex
- Early sexual initiation
- Choosing unhealthy sexual partners
- Having multiple sex partners
- Trading sex for food, money, or other items
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Using or abusing harmful substances, including:
- Smoking cigarettes
- Drinking alcohol
- Driving after drinking alcohol
- Taking drugs
(Champion et al., 2004; Jewkes, Sen, Garcia-Moreno, 2002; Raj, Silverman, Amaro, 2000)
Page last modified: Last modified: April 21, 2008
References
Ackard DM, Neumark-Sztainer D. Date violence and date rape among adolescents: associations with disordered eating behaviors and psychological health. Child Abuse and Neglect. 2002;26(5):455-73.
Basile KC. Sexual violence in the lives of girls and women. In: Kendall-Tackett K, editor. Handbook of women, stress, and trauma. New York: Brunner-Routledge; 2005. p.101-122
Basile KC, Black MC, Simon TR, Arias I, Brener ND, Saltzman LE. The association between self-reported lifetime history of forced sexual intercourse and recent health-risk behaviors: findings from the 2003 National Youth Risk Behavior Survey. Journal of Adolescent Health. 2006;39:752.e1-752.e7.
Brener ND, McMahon PM, Warren CW, Douglas KA. Forced sexual intercourse and associated health-risk behaviors among female college students in the United States. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology. 1999;67:252-9.
Champion HL, Foley KL, DuRant RH, Hensberry R, Altman D, Wolfson M. Adolescent sexual victimization, use of alcohol and other substances, and other health risk behaviors. Journal of Adolescent Health. 2004;35(4):321-8.
Clements PT, Speck PM, Crane PA, Faulkner MJ. Issues and dynamics of sexually assaulted adolescents and their families. International Journal of Mental Health Nursing. 2004;13(4):267-74.
Faravelli C, Giugni A, Salvatori S, Ricca V. Psychopathology after rape. American Journal of Psychiatry. 2004;161(8):1483-5.
Felitti VJ, Anda RF, Nordenberg D, Williamson DF, Spitz AM, Edwards V, et al. Relationship of childhood abuse and household dysfunction to many of the leading causes of death in adults: the Adverse Childhood Experiences study. American Journal of Preventive Medicine. 1998;14:245-58.
Golding JM, Wilsnack SC, Cooper ML. Sexual assault history and social support: six general population studies. Journal of Traumatic Stress. 2002;15(3):187-97.
Holmes MM, Resnick HS, Kilpatrick DG, Best CL. Rape-related pregnancy: estimates and descriptive characteristics from a national sample of women. American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology. 1996;175:320-4. Jewkes R, Sen P, Garcia-Moreno C. Sexual violence. In: Krug E, Dahlberg LL, Mercy JA, et al., editors. World Report on Violence and Health. Geneva (Switzerland): World Health Organization; 2002, pp. 213-239.
Krakow B, Melendrez D, Johnston L, Warner TD, Clark JO, Pacheco M, et al. Sleep-disordered breathing, psychiatric distress, and quality of life impairment in sexual assault survivors. Journal of Nervous and Mental Disease. 2002;190(7):442-52.
Lang AJ, Rodgers CS, Laffaye C, Satz LE, Dresselhaus TR, Stein MB. Sexual trauma, posttraumatic stress disorder, and health behavior. Behavioral Medicine. 2003;28(4):150-8.
Raj A, Silverman JG, Amaro H. The relationship between sexual abuse and sexual risk among high school students: findings from the 1997 Massachusetts Youth Risk Behavior Survey. Maternal and Child Health Journal. 2004(2):125-34.
Wingood G, DiClemente R, Raj A. Adverse consequences of intimate partner abuse among women in non-urban domestic violence shelters. American Journal of Preventive Medicine. 2000;19:270-5.
Ystgaard M, Hestetun I, Loeb M, Mehlum L. Is there a specific relationship between childhood sexual and physical abuse and repeated suicidal behavior? Child Abuse and Neglect. 2004;28(8):863-75.
Content Source: National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, Division of Violence Prevention
Contact CDC
-
Centers for Disease
Control and Prevention,
National Center for Injury Prevention and Control
(NCIPC)
4770 Buford Hwy, NE
MS F-63
Atlanta, GA 30341-3717
The Effects of Sexual Assault on Victims
"Understanding what you're going through is the first step to recovery. Learn about common physical and psychological side effects."
The above quote comes from the RAINN website. To learn more about the effects of sexual assault on victims, please access to following url from the RAINN website: http://www.rainn.org/get-information/effects-of-sexual-assault1.
Read Sasha's Story for Sexual Assault Awareness Month
April is Sexual Assault Awareness month. Please take the time to read Sasha's story from The Vioces and Faces Project website at http://www.voicesandfaces.org/survivor_sasha.asp.
Dating Violence
Taken from the site of the Connecticut Coalition Against Domestic Violence at http://www.ctcadv.org/Website/dating_violence.htm.
Dating Violence
Dating Abuse is defined as: "Any hurtful or unwanted physical, sexual, verbal or emotional act inflicted by a casual or intimate dating partner."
The facts
- Over one third of teenagers in dating relationships have experienced some physical violence.
- 1 out of 4 high school students is, or has been in the past, involved in an abusive relationship.
- Jealousy is the leading cause of dating violence.
- Only 1 out of 25 victims of dating violence ever seeks the help of a teacher, police officer, or counselor.
- Only about 4 out of 10 relationships end after the onset of violence or abuse.
- Among female victims, the most common response to the violence was fear, followed closely by being emotionally hurt. Male victims were more likely to respond that they thought it was funny or that the violence made them angry.
- 42% of boys and 43% of girls said that the abuse occurred in a school building or on school grounds.
Is your relationship abusive?
- Have you stopped spending time with friends or family because of boyfriend or girlfriend jealousy?
- Are you forced to explain and justify every place you go, everything you do, and every person you see, to avoid making your boyfriend or girlfriend angry?
- Does your boyfriend or girlfriend ridicule, criticize, belittle or insult you?
- Are you afraid to disagree with your boyfriend or girlfriend?
- Has he/she ever hit, slapped, shoved, kicked, or thrown things at you?
If you have answered yes to any of these questions you may be involved in an abusive relationship. Often people don't realize they are being abused, especially if there is no physical violence. Remember: THE ABUSE IS NOT YOUR FAULT, NO ONE DESERVES TO BE ABUSED.
Ending a Violent Relationship
- If you have been injured, threatened or stalked, or if your property has been damaged, report it to the police. Whether or not you decide to file charges a police report will document your partners violence. In any case it is crucial for you to be able to protect yourself even if the police are involved. They cannot protect you 24 hours a day. A partner who has been violent, threatening or destructive can be a real danger to you when you try to end the relationship, particularly if he has a weapon or has threatened you with a weapon.
- Under certain circumstances, you may also be able to obtain a protective order or restraining order. Call your local domestic violence program for assistance.
- Tell your parents about the situation (if you can) or an adult you trust.
- Build a support network.
- Do not meet your partner alone, get in a car with him, or go anywhere alone. Do not let him into the house when you are alone. Do not let your guard down even if he appears remorseful, promises, or pleads. The danger to you doesn't end with breaking up, apologies, or promises.
- Alert the school counselor, security officers and principal that you may be in danger. You may also want to tell teachers, your boss or a neighbor.
- If you feel you must speak to your partner other than on the phone, meet him in a public place, like a busy restaurant and have friends nearby. Be clear that the relationship is over. Don't try to just be his "friend." Your partner will think this means he still has a chance to get you back. However, the less contact or talking with him, the better. You might consider getting an unlisted phone number, a number with a safety line, or even moving.
- Call your local domestic violence / sexual assault program. They can listen, offer suggestions/support, and are 100% confidential. In Connecticut, call 1-888-774-2900.
Reprinted from "Teen Dating Violence," Arizona Coalition Against Domestic Violence.